I was just filling out on of those goofy surveys about your self and I realized something very important about my self. Something that I was aware of but not really willing to admit to myself and work on. I have became very detached for my emotions in the last few years. Matter of fact since I have moved back to Joplin it has been a slow process but yet it is very true.
I have detached my emotions from almost everything including my cat. What is even funnier is when I was younger I was extremely ruled by them. Now I learned to balance them for while so I was not so emotional and crazy all the damn time but now I am extremely detached from them almost all the way. Which I am sure has come about from all the events that have happened in my life such as being faced with not seing my niece & nepehew which at the time I saw everyday, losing my cat, I lost 2 of my best friends that I had since childhood, the loss of my husband, and a miscarriage. Wow that is alot of loss!! That is just on the top level.
No wonder I have become so detached. I guess I never really grieved over any of this either. I now the miscarriage messed with me really hard and the best friends... well ...I was betrayed by both of them, which I am sure messed with my trust issues. Then again I can not think of one person in my life at this moment that really has my back... that I can go to and tell eveything to and cry on there shoulder .. however .. I am the center for all the people I now ... how wrong is that. Okay here come the emotions maybe I am not detached as much as I thought from them but I do have some major trust issue. I know I have not opened my self up to a new best friend and no matter how hard the husband tries, right at the moment, I just can't connect with him. I can also go weeks at a time now and not see my niece or nephew. Goodness I always seem to be the person that has it togethor which I guess that is why no one offers a shoulder. Hmm ... and the only thing that makes me cry is my computer crashing or some heart felt story from Iraq. Shoot I only cried for one full sentance a second ago. It is amazing to me how you get to this place in your life to become this detached I thought I was very well rounded but I guess not ...I think I have spent to many years being the mommy to the world and never stopped to work on myself or not in at least 10 years.
How do you back in touch with them. I am always the first to dispense helpful information .. but this time I am at a lack of know how here. Well I do have to admit writing this does make me sad but I guess that is a good thing that I am realizing what I have allowed my self to do. Hmm ...
